DREAMS I NEVER DREAMED

Today is the first day of the end of my life. I am sitting here looking at the doctor and my mind is miles away. How can it be? Why me? What have I done wrong to deserve so much ill luck? Why me? Who will hear my story? How do I tell the world my story? Why me?

In a few days I will be 23 years old, it has been 23 years of pain and hardship and just when I thought it could not get worse, it has got worse, how did I get here?

I was born into a poor family, we lived in a very poor community and I have known hardship all my life, we were so poor that I assumed poverty was a normal way of life, I did not even know till I was about nine years old that they were people who lived a different kind of life. My community was same, we barely sold anything, we lived on barter most times, my mum would locally process and mill palm oil and while we sold a little, we exchanged the oil for foodstuff with other people who had other things we needed. For instance, Mama Mileke farmed yams and papa Odogene had a small pond with fish in it, we would just go get fish and pay in oil or get half tuber of yam for some oil, we barely had any money.

Papa and Mama loved each other very much. It was very evident in the number of siblings I have, all twelve of them. I don't remember not seeing my mother pregnant in my early years, if you asked me then, I would have thought her not being pregnant at any time was a problem, in my young mind, every adult had to be pregnant as soon as one child left the stomach. Having so many kids was a competition no one in my community would lose. 

One day Papa came from Iya Eko's shop where he normally went to drink palm wine with his friends and sing some gyration songs, we were debtors there, Papa would drink and pay her with gallons of oil which she gave to some men who came every Friday morning with a truck to get food items to go sell at the big city. So Papa came home and told us about our move to the big City, he told us he had been to the big City a couple of times in the past and all our dreams will come to pass there. His eyes shone as he talked about the City, Mama seemed to have caught the happy bug too as she almost dropped Kinaka my baby brother whom she was breastfeeding. 

I looked on in confusion, I had no dreams, I had no plans, I was 9 years old and had not started school, Mama always said I would go to school but it never really bothered me, there was hardly anyone I knew in my community that went to school, Mama had once said that Mr Kumale the town chancellor had children and they stayed in the city with his late wife's mother and went to school there but no one could corroborate the story as Mr Kumale had two kids with his new wife and non-went to any school.

Days had gone by and my excitement over moving to the big city started to mount, Fridays seemed so slow to come suddenly. Mama got some polythene bags and we were packed up in minutes, Papa said we should leave our mats behind, I asked him where we would sleep and he said there was something called "foam" in the city, this further thrilled me though I had always slept on the mat and sometimes the bare floor, I had never complained as I had never seen anyone sleep on "foam"

Friday is here, We are packed up, we await the traders’ truck at the market square, people keep walking up to give mama things, someone gave us a dozen chewing sticks, someone gave us a torchlight and Iya Eko came and gave Papa a gallon of palm wine. Mama did not like Iya Eko much, she always talked about her with a frown and a few times I had heard papa call mama jealous. I don't think mama could have been jealous of Iya Eko, mama was beautiful, she was a fine shade of brown, she was very slender and had a dark mole close to her mouth, she had dark eyes and very red lips, her brows were always well carved out yet she did not own a single make up object. Iya Eko on the other hand always looked like she was learning how to paint a building and tried it on her face first, she did not tie wrapper like my mum instead she wore men's trousers, she did not even go to church on Sundays and had only seven children compared to mama's nine as at that year. No way could Mama be jealous of her. 

Truck is pulling over, the traders are here, the driver gets down and says a very cheerful hello to Papa, Papa introduces Mama to him and makes a hand towards us as he said "and those are my children" the driver looks at all of us and sights the twins, he squeals in delight "ejima" Papa is grinning from ear to ear. Yes, they are twins, Feyin and Foma. The driver is delighted he tells papa that he also has twins though he has got twin boys unlike our twin girls. I like the driver already, the traders have already began to bargain with the market women and paid no mind to us. 

We are on our way to the City, all of us sitting uncomfortably on different food stuff, Mama has Kinaka in her arms and Sewema who is only 10months older strapped on her back. I have my arms securely around Feyin and Foma who are a little over 2years old, they are excited, I am scared, It is our first motor ride. My little community vanishes as soon as we make the first bend, bye to Ogarugbo, My sojourn to the big City, the land of dreams, I still don't dream but maybe when I get there, I will have my first dream.

TO BE CONTINUED...